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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                 Where's the love for the ferret?


                          April 2, 2001


             The Top 9 Things Pets Dislike About Kids


 9> Being taken for a walk. (Fish only)

 8> Baby bites kitty's ear = Kodak Moment
    Kitty bites baby's ear = one-way ticket to the pound

 7> That annoying muffled sound Junior makes while being 
    asphyxiated by your big furry butt.

 6> They can't tell the difference between "turtle" and 
    "Matchbox car."

 5> They get Ritalin, you get neutered.

 4> They sometimes flush you down the toilet before you're 
    quite dead.

 3> They sit too close to the television for a cat to get between
    them and the screen.

 2> Having to look them in the eyes when you hump those short legs.


    and the Number 1 Thing Pets Dislike About Kids...


 1> They hand you a bag of fine primo catnip but then they 
    Bogart the Doritos, man!



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 40 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
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Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL    --  1, 6  (Good Boy! 1st #1)
Adam Chun, Houston, TX            --  2, 7
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    --  2
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY        --  3
Doug Finney, Houston, TX          --  4
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL         --  5
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    --  8
Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA          --  9
Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL    -- Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Runner Up list name
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA    -- HM list name, Banner tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington VA         -- List Vet, Topic

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                  Things Pets Dislike About Kids
                 RUNNERS UP list  --  "Scratched"
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Boogers: Kids like to eat them, pets don't.
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)

It's a *tail* not a freaking *handle*!
          (Doug Finney, Houston, TX)

Most are too big to swallow without chewing.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

No one crams *them* into a plastic crate for car rides.
          (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)

They never want to talk about *your* feelings.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

They throw the ball waaaaay out there.  So being a good dog, I go
and get it for them.  And what do you think they do next?  That's
right... they THROW IT AWAY AGAIN, over and over!  What do they 
think this is -- some kind of GAME!?!
          (Kevin Paul Wickart, Normal, IL)


Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

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                  Things Pets Dislike About Kids
             HONORABLE MENTION list  --  "Pet Peeves"
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It's too hard to distinguish little boys from little girls 
based on how their little butts smell
          (Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)

Kids who constantly prove, from ever-increasing heights, that 
cats always land on their feet.
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)

They always eat the VERY LAST dog biscuit.
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

They get stuck in your teeth, cause cavities.
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

They obey the command, "Don't feed Fluffy under the table," 
all too often.
          (Beth Baniszewski, Columbia, MD)

When they crawl around on their hands and knees barking they 
say some really offensive stuff in dog language.
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

You both cry for your dinner.  He gets cuddled.  You get a 
can-shaped mass of congealed byproducts.
          (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)

You lick some milk off a baby's face one time and everyone goes 
nuts!
          (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)


Honorable Mention list name
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)


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[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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[          in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com"         ]
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