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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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       Riots in the streets, dogs and cats living together,
                          mass hysteria!


                         March 31, 2003

                     NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

Homeland Security Secretary Tom Ridge has reportedly assembled
an emergency kit for his dogs Molly, Allie and Gus for use in
          the event of a biological or chemical attack.


          The Top 10 Items in Your Pet's Red Alert Stash


10> Goldfish: Teeny-tiny roll of duct tape and plastic sheeting
    for the castle windows.

 9> Ferret: Several days' supply of keys to hide under furniture.

 8> Persian cat: Nail clippers, wire brush, round brush, hair dryer,
    conditioner, loofah, hair bows, exfoliator, magazine.

 7> Dog: Several gallons bottled toilet water. From a real toilet.

 6> Parrot: "Polly wanna hazmat suit!"

 5> Pit bull: Several pounds of freeze-dried mailman plus a few
    extra fingers for snacking.

 4> Cat: A gas attack sentry canary. A big, fat, juicy sentry
    canary.

 3> Black Lab: This big bag of biscuits, minus a few for immediate
    scarfing, and a few more, and a few more, um... this big empty
    plastic bag for emergency toy storage.

 2> Parakeet: Ample supply of shatterproof mirrors.


      and the Number 1 Item in Your Pet's Red Alert Stash...


 1> Pot Bellied Pig: Large sign proclaiming "I'm Not Edible."



             [   Copyright 2003 by Chris White    ]
             [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 38 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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James Knowles, Bellingham, WA       -- 1, 3 (12th #1)
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD           -- 2, 4
Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI       -- 5, 8
Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom SA  -- 5
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA     -- 6
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA      -- 7, 10
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS                 -- 9
Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA   -- Runner Up list name
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH   -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA          -- List Vet

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               Items in Your Pet's Red Alert Stash
                    RUNNERS UP list -- Bombs
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Cat: Not my problem, let the bipedal house slaves handle it.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
          (Barb McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI)

Cat: Sealed room, food, water, bedding, catnip, toys, and keep
those damn people out of here!
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

Cat: Your goldfish and jar of tartar sauce.
          (Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA)

Dog: Cat poop, for snackies.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Gerbil: Have some babies so there will be plenty to eat in case
of a crisis.
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

Labrador: A case of tennis balls, and a dead duck. Seriously, do
you know how hard it will be to come by dead ducks?
          (Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI)


Runner Up list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

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