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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                    Conforms to breed standard


                           May 21, 2001


           The Top 9 Signs You've Hired a Bad Dogwalker


 9> He always has to use the choke chain on himself.

 8> Rex's paws are starting to shred like a Firestone tire.

 7> Sometime during the actual walking process, Fifi the poodle 
    seems to have been switched with a rabid dingo.

 6> You think your dogwalker just got married?  Look again: those
    aren't strings of cans dangling from her car's bumper, those 
    are frayed leashes and collars!

 5> Your dog's feet are permanently stained purple from stomping 
    grapes all day.

 4> Keeps insisting that Fluffy start buying his Anabolic Formulas.

 3> Your dog comes back all liquored up.

 2> He claims that Rover slipped his collar in the park, but the 
    lobster bib and barbecue sauce stains suggest a different 
    story.


    and the Number 1 Sign You've Hired a Bad Dogwalker...


 1> Your spare key is found in the trash in a little baggie and 
    the deadbolt is smeared with poop.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 29 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
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Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA  --  1, 6 (Good boy! 1st #1)
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    --  2, 7
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      --  2, RU list name
Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA          --  3
Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ           --  4, 8
Kate Melnyk, Stray                --  5
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           --  6
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL         --  9, Topic
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Honorable Mention list name
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington VA         -- List Vet

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                Signs You've Hired a Bad Dogwalker
             RUNNERS UP list  --  Last But Not Leashed
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Fido comes back walking with a limp on a different leg each time.
          (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)

He doesn't believe dogs should be on a leash.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

He makes the dogs poop on YOUR lawn.
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

His method involves a treadmill, a beefsteak, and a cattle prod.
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

You understand the need for control, but don't quite think 
shackles are appropriate.
          (Kate Melnyk, Stray)


Runner Up list name
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

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                Signs You've Hired a Bad Dogwalker
               HONORABLE MENTION list  --  Also Ran
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Finishes every sentence with "Who - Who - WhoWhoWho"
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

He has a huge supply of Puppy Pampers.
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Oh... you said DOGWALKER!  I thought you said "MOONWALKER."  You 
should just SEE that bunch of Rottweilers now: Moonwalk, Electric
Slide, Hustle -- you name it!
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

You finally get it in the mail: GeezerCo's 2001 Walking Aid with 
Schnauzer Hide Handle Bars... You *clearly* asked for Dachshund hide!
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

You find out that the dogwalker you just hired is actually a 
screenwriter for the sequel to "Dude Where's My Car" -- and 
he's trying out some new source material.
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

Your dog now refuses to come out from under the bed whenever he 
hears, "want to go for a walk, boy?'
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)


Honorable Mention list name
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)



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[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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