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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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Dude! You're gettin' a Dell box to sit in!
December 16, 2002
The Top 10 Reasons Santa Doesn't Use
Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh
10> Sloths: "Yes, Virginia, Santa flies all the way around the
world in just one decade!"
9> Bulls: Lethal choice for a man who dresses all in red.
8> Elephants: And you thought *reindeer* crap in the rain
gutters was a bitch.
7> Bats: Sonar equipped? Check.
Nocturnal flyers? Check.
Suck children's blood? Uh-oh.
6> Sea Monkeys: By the time Santa gets them all harnessed
they've already frozen to death.
5> Hound Dogs: "On Buford! On Bubba! On Cletus and Earnhardt!"
4> Unicorns: Rudolph with your nose so-- OUCH!
3> Lemmings: Before Santa can get back up the chimney they've
all leaped to their deaths.
2> Bears: Gifts seldom delivered before spring.
and the Number 1 Reason Santa Doesn't Use
Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh...
1> Baboons: Provide as much light as Rudolph, but *you* try
flying with eight red butts glowing in your face.
[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 49 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ -- 1, 6 (Good girl! 1st #1)
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 1, 5, Topic (11th #1)
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 1, 3 (5th #1)
Greg Pearson, Arlington, VA -- 2, 7
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX -- 3
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY -- 3
Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA -- 4
Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY -- 8
Kristian Idol, Burbank, CA -- 9
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- 10, Topic
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Runner Up list name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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Reasons Santa Doesn't Use Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh
RUNNERS UP list -- Grounded
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Birds: They'll only fly south.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Deer: Christmas falls right in the middle of hunting season.
(Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS)
Elephants: "Up on the rooftop, smash, smash, smash."
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
French Poodles: Roll over and play dead every time they near
the German border.
(Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)
Kangaroos: Santa's shocks just won't hold up.
(Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
Mice: Too easily picked off by sharp-eyed raptors.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
Parakeets: Keep pulling the tail feathers out of the reinkeets
in front of them.
(Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)
Rabbits: The team of eight would be more than 37,000 before Santa
finished the first city.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Skunks: Impossible for Santa to hold down his milk and cookies.
(Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
Tortoises: Keep retracting their heads out of the harness.
(Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
Runner Up list name
(Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH)
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[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
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