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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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          Should symptoms persist, consult a veterinarian.


                           June 17, 2002

                      NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

    This is Take Your Pet to Work Week, so the contributors all
   brought their critters in to Top5 Pets Headquarters with them.
Result: fur and feathers EVERYWHERE and more cries of "NO! Bad!
      No bite!" than we've heard since our last staff meeting.

To regain a modicum of peace and to give us a chance to Wet-Vac
    the floors, we decided to put our pets to work writing this
                            week's list:


       The Top 10 Pet Peeves of Top5 Pets Contributors' Pets


10> Never getting to see any hot human action.

9> My empty food tray appears to be less important than thinking
     up favorite tricks of Enron executive dogs.

8> He has a short attention span so he become bored with games of
     fetch after only a few hours.

7> I say "Hello," SHE says "HELLO!" I say "What a pretty bird,"
     SHE says "What a pretty bird!" It's like living in a damned
     echo chamber!

6> They neutered me too early. I'm four years old and I still
     sound like a freakin' kitten!

5> When she drinks too much what's the first thing in her path?
     My aquarium.

4> It LOOKS like a doggy bag, it SMELLS like a doggy bag, it even
     has "Doggy Bag" printed on it. But does the resident DOG ever
     get a crack at it?

3> That really funny banner tag last November? MINE!

2> For the last time: we are not "Black Labs." We are "Labs of
     Color."


   and the Number 1 Pet Peeve of Top5 Pets Contributors' Pets...


1> Top5 contributor, huh? Well, *I* don't see anything funny about
     always having to eat the cheapest dry food on the market.



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 45 submissions from 16 contributors' pets.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Clawed Weiss, Austin, TX                 -- 1
Scout & Jemma Knowles, Bellingham, WA    -- 2
Friskle Lipp, Lenexa, KS                 -- 3, 9
Watson Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI   -- 4
Sundrop Northrup, Paris, France          -- 5
Berlioz Foster, Holt, MI                 -- 6
Twister Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI -- 7
Tiger Brown, Williamstown, MA            -- 8
Randi Weiss, Austin, TX                  -- 10
Darrin & Samantha Stephens, Manassas, VA -- Runner Up list name
ZuZu Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH          -- Banner Tag
Esme & Jethro Hull, Arlington, VA        -- Guest Moderators

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             Pet Peeves of Top5 Pets Contributors' Pets
              RUNNERS UP list -- Dial "N" for Neuter
------------------------------------------------------------------

"I have to go outside! I have to PEEEE! Get off the computer, I
have to peee"
           (Maxx Melnyk, Dedham, MA)

Every night, the same thing -- crawling into my bed, shoving their
feet and legs into MY private sleeping area.
           (Simba Foster, Holt, MI)

He won't let me eat the yummy cat poop.
           (Hattie Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

Her food always smells so much better than ours.
           (Ace & Blackie Good, Scottsdale, AZ)

His constant pre-occupation with our reproductive habits.
           (Mocha & Spencer Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

Is she EVER going to get over this "baby talk" thing?
           (Spike Cottrill, Da Bronx, NY)

Leaves us all weekend to shack up with a girl, but has US spayed
and neutered.
           (Summer & Nicky Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)

She should be submitting to ME!
           (Apocalypse Melnyk, Dedham, MA)

That long drag every day from the bed to the couch.
           (Katmandu Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

The big dolt installs a paw-fishing tank, fills it with tasty
guppies and then slaps a kitty-proof lid on the dang thing!
           (Spec Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

We had surgery so we can't reproduce; she has to take a pill every
day for the same reason. You gotta pity that poor fool!
           (Darrin & Samantha Stephens, Manassas, VA)


Runner Up list name
           (Darrin & Samantha Stephens, Manassas, VA)

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