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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                          One lump or two?


                            May 6, 2002

                      NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

    Ah, the marvels of veterinary science! Testicular implants,
     brand name "Neuticles," allow your neutered canine, equine
           or feline to retain his pre-op look and feel.

                        But watch out for...


           The Top 9 Side Effects of Testicular Implants


  9> Too many guys "supersizing" their dogs.

  8> Hairballs won't be the nastiest thing Fluffy's pukin' up if
     they don't get those little seams tight enough.

  7> Today: Neuticles.
     Tomorrow: boob jobs.

  6> Sleep-deprived owners soon regret springing for the optional
     squeaky-noise attachment.

  5> Doesn't come when called? Just turn on the electro-magnet.

  4> Butt dragging on the carpet is now a fire hazard.

  3> Your gelding can command substantially higher stud fees.

  2> Fido now going steady with the sewing dummy.


       and the Number 1 Side Effect of Testicular Implants...


  1> Husbands flee in terror as wives are heard to say, "Gee, it
     worked so well for the dog..."



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 44 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA         -- 1 (2nd #1)
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA     -- 2
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD       -- 3
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY        -- 4
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA        -- 5
Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH -- 6
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL            -- 7
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX              -- 8
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA    -- 9, Banner tag
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA       -- Topic
Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA         -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA           -- List Vet

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                Side Effects of Testicular Implants
                   RUNNERS UP list  --  Play Ball
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Cats now have eighteen testicles -- two for each life.
           (Seth Brown, Williamstown, MA)

Dachshunds no longer flinch when walking down a gravel driveway.
           (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

False advertising suits filed by disappointed females.
           (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Female dogs can be a little more butch.
           (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

He still humps your leg because, man, those insertion scars itch
like crazy!
           (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

If someone splurges for the ultra-natural ones, he might get
neutered twice if he gets lost.
           (Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA)

If you buy a third one, you can open a pawn shop.
           (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)

Makes slithering on your belly quite awkward (snakes only).
           (Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)


Runner Up list name
           (Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)

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