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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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No bad gags.
November 11, 2002
NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:
Of course you know that one dog year equals
seven human years. We here at Top5 Pets have
prepared a convenient conversion chart with some
other equations that you might NOT have known about.
The Top 9 Lesser-Known Pet Equations
9> Amount of love your dog has for you = number of doggy biscuits
in your pocket
8> 20 cats in a one-bedroom apartment = $0 back from your security
deposit
7> 100 tennis balls fetched = 1.2 liters of slobber transferred
to your palm
6> 1 long piece of ribbon + 1 playful kitty = $600 vet bill for
foreign body removal surgery
5> 14 helpings of Fancy Feast per week = 0.0 iotas of gratitude
earned
4> 1 purebred show dog + 1 unaltered mutt + 1 malfunctioning
garden hose = 1 small claims lawsuit
3> 1 Pit Bull = 0 neighbor kids on your lawn
2> 100 Labrador IQ points = 1 human IQ point
and the Number 1 Lesser-Known Pet Equation...
1> 1 goat in a wedding dress = 6 months to a year in the county
jail
[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 39 submissions from 14 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Mark Weiss, Austin, TX -- 1 (6th #1)
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD -- 2
Dave Ferry, Purvis, MS -- 3
Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY -- 4
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA -- 5, 7
Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA -- 6
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- 8, Runner Up list name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 9, Topic
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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Lesser-Known Pet Equations
RUNNERS UP list -- Does Not Compute
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1 foul-mouthed parrot = 1 letter of apology to the minister
(Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
1 pet + 1 actor = 2nd billing for actor
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
1 python = 0 visits from friends with small children
(Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)
2 cats + 1 clean pair of trousers = 1 date cancellation
(Justin Cascio, Brooklyn, NY)
2 hamsters + 6 months = infinite hamsters
(Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)
2 small, yappy dogs living in your house = annual contract with
carpet cleaners
(Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ)
42 pit bull teeth = $300,000 lawsuit
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
Infinity = the number of times a 6-year-old will plead for a pet
between any given date and Christmas
(Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI)
Time it takes your cat to decide on going outside while you hold
open the door = time it takes your toes to freeze to the floor
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Runner Up list name
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
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[ Copyright 2002 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ]
[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
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