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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                        Genuine cuttlebone


                          June 11, 2001


                 The Top 8 Signs Your Parrot Was
                 Previously Owned By a Celebrity


 8> You come home from work one day and find all the crackers
    gone and the Betty Ford Clinic on speed dial.

 7> "*BRO-KAW*  Dan Rather sucks!  *BRO-KAW*"

 6> "What is: Polly wants a cracker?"

 5> It wears a multi-colored ribbon to promote French Moult 
    Awareness.

 4> "Dude, where's my cracker?"

 3> He doesn't SAY much, but he insists on wearing trunks and 
    you keep finding pieces of human ear in his cage.

 2> "When I say, 'Squawk,' I want you to hit it and quit!  
    Hit it and quit!  Ready?  SQUAWK!"


              and the Number 1 Sign Your Parrot Was
                Previously Owned By a Celebrity...


 1> Can recite the Ten Commandments, but they're oddly punctuated 
    by the sound of semi-automatic gunfire.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 35 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL      --  1 (Attaboy! 1st #1)
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY        --  2, 6
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA --  3
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           --  4, 5, 7 (Purr-fecta!)
Justin Cascio,  Perth Amboy, NJ   --  6
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    --  8
Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY        -- Topic
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      -- Runner Up list name
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    -- HM list name, Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington VA         -- List Vet
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      Signs Your Parrot Was Previously Owned By a Celebrity
             RUNNERS UP list  --  Polly-unsatisfying
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"I'd like to thank God, my pit crew, and the guys back at the shop,
because the Dupont Chevrolet Monte Carlo ran great all day..."
          (Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL)

"Paulie wants a cracker!"
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Curses Florida in a Tennessee drawl and strategically poops on 
any newspaper coverage of George W. Bush.
          (Justin Cascio,  Perth Amboy, NJ)
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

Keeps repeating, "Flush the crack!  Flush the crack!"
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

Looks you right in the eye and says, "I never had sexual relations
with that woman!"
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

There's something really unnerving in the way he repeatedly yells,
"You talkin' to ME??!" with that vacuous-but-scary expression on 
his face.
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)


Runner Up list name
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

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      Signs Your Parrot Was Previously Owned By a Celebrity
             HONORABLE MENTION list  --  Cage liners
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"You like me!  Aaaawk!  You really like me!"
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

Answers all attempts at conversation with "Is that your final 
answer?"
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)

Has his own agent who takes 30% of the crumbs from each cracker.
          (Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA)

He stutters and talks to an invisible six foot rabbit.
          (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

Periodically shimmies, shakes tail feathers, and says "Coochie, 
coochie."
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Polly wants some crack!  Polly wants some crack!
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)

Talks incessantly about somebody named Cody.
          (Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL)


Honorable Mention list name
          (Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD)



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[      Copyright 2001 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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