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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                     Not for human consumption


                           March 18, 2002


             The Top 8 Pet Peeves of Presidential Pets


  8> Elaborate protocol involved in sniffing crotches of
     foreign dignitaries.

  7> All those suits watching when you're trying to get
     it on with the gardener's bitch.

  6> The boss no longer tosses pretzels in the air for you
     to catch.

  5> You can't hang your head out the window on Air Force One.

  4> Ankle holsters on Secret Service agents make for a damn
     uncomfortable hump.

  3> Freezing your butt off all night tied up outside a
     Georgetown brothel.

  2> The entire friggin' world knows about it when you get
     your balls get cut off.


         and the Number 1 Pet Peeve of Presidential Pets...


  1> Interns always try to blame those dress stains on you.



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 27 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 1, Topic (5th #1)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX            -- 2
Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA  -- 3, 5
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX           -- 4
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL         -- 5, 8
Peter Casper, Brisbane, Australia -- 5
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS               -- 6, 7
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY     -- 7
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- Runner Up list name
Bill Strider, Gaithersburg, MD    -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

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                  Pet Peeves of Presidential Pets
               RUNNERS UP list  --  Axolotls of Evil
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Having to empty out your cheek pouches at every friggin' security
checkpoint.
           (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Lame Secret Service codename: POPOTUS (Pet of President of The
United States)
           (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Mixed signals: hump Arafat's leg and get a treat, but give a
joyous greeting to that floozy you've seen the boss with and
get a swat.
           (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)

One playful ankle pounce and Secret Service is all over your
furry little butt.
           (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)
           (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Sure, those Secret Service guys are great protection, but how
about throwing a *ball* for once?
           (Travis Ruetenik, Honolulu, HI)


Runner Up list name
           (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)


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[      Copyright 2002 by Chris White   All rights reserved.      ]
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