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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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I love you, I adore you, now give me that tuna, peon.
May 19, 2003
NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:
West Hollywood has become the first city in the
United States to ban the practice of declawing
cats. Opponents of the ban say it could lead to
people abandoning cats that use furniture and
humans as scratching posts.
We here at Top5 Pets would hate to see that happen,
so we've come up with some helpful suggestions.
The Top 9 Ways to Keep Cats From Clawing
9> Deploy a platoon of heavily armed Marines.
8> Decorate your house with inflatable furniture filled with
angry bees. The cat will learn the consequences of
scratching, and hey! Free honey!
7> "Be a nice kitty and claw the furniture. Please."
6> Have claws surgically attached to your kids' fingers and toes
to give them first-strike capability.
5> First offense? Into a FedEx box and off they go to Tuvalu.
4> Warning labels on each chair leg reminding Tabby that tennis
racquets are strung with catgut.
3> Force feed kitty until she is too obese to lift her front paws
above her shoulders.
2> A stern scolding when caught ought to... wait, let me try that
again without smirking.
and the Number 1 Way to Keep Cats From Clawing...
1> Use the natural enemy of cats to your advantage: construct
your furniture out of old vacuum cleaners.
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 40 submissions from 15 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 1, 3, 9
(Purr-fecta! 13th #1)
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS -- 2, 5
Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL -- 4
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- 6, Topic
Gideon Griebenow, Potch, NorthWest, SA -- 7
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA -- 7, 8
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Runner Up list name
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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Ways to Keep Cats From Clawing
RUNNERS UP list -- Scratch List
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A little paint, a few canvases, and suddenly Fluffy's "Rage Art"
is selling like hotcakes!
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Electrify all furniture at 20,000 volts. Stand around a lot.
(Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)
(RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS)
Furniture made out of bear skin, with real bears inside.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Give the cat its own room, filled with wicker furniture.
(Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
Give them live chickens to play with. They'll be so deliriously
distracted they'll forget the futon.
(Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI)
Motion detector attached to a high-powered water gun.
(Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)
Skewer mini-marshmallows on each claw.
(Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)
Two words: concrete couch.
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Runner Up list name
(Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH)
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