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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                     Now completely worm-free!


                          April 12, 2004

                     NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:

        It's tax time in the U.S. As a public service, we
      here at Top5 Pets offer these tips on deductions your
                     pet can qualify you for.

         We can't promise the IRS will allow them, but we
              do promise we'll write you in prison.


                The Top 8 Pet-Based Tax Deductions


 8> Pooper scoopers can be written off since they are used when
    Rex does his business.

 7> Hotel room rental to acquire a replacement Bible for the one
    Rover shredded can be deducted for religious purposes. Sorry,
    you're on your own for the champagne, massage and "live
    entertainment."

 6> Five hundred dollars worth of organic fertilizer donated to
    your neighbor's yard.

 5> He sees it that way anyhow, so declare the cat as Head of 
    Household and pay no taxes based on lack of income.

 4> Fleas, ticks and other parasites can be listed as dependents.

 3> Paying the vet to lop off your hamster's 'nads counts as a 
    charitable donation because your husband now feels less 
    inadequate.

 2> If your bird migrates south to Florida every year, you can 
    deduct the interest on his condo.


            and the Number 1 Pet-Based Tax Deduction...


 1> You call it "cleaning the litter box," I call it "returning 
    biodegradable materials produced from a not-for-profit venture
    to the environment."



             [   Copyright 2004 by Chris White    ]
             [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 27 submissions from 13 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Jim Phynn, Horsham, PA             -- 1 (Attaboy! 1st #1)
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD          -- 2
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA     -- 3, 8
Marlene K. Goodman, Wheeling, IL   -- 4
Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA      -- 5, Banner Tag
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA      -- 6, Topic
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX             -- 7
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH  -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA         -- List Vet

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                     Pet-Based Tax Deductions
                 RUNNERS UP list -- Disallowed
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All food is deductible because Fido converts it into industrial
solid waste.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Catnip purchases are medical expenses.
          (Scott Bostick, Lake Ridge, VA)

Deduct expenses for your Golden Retriever's keep as salary for 
receptionist services.
          (Judy Goodman, Wilmette, IL)

Food, water and general horse care expenses count as vehicle 
deductions. (Cowboys only.)
          (Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, S. Africa)

If President Bush declared your pig's pen a disaster area, you
can claim your loss in 2004.
          (Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)

Squeaky toys are necessary entertainment expenses.
          (Marlene K. Goodman, Wheeling, IL)

Write off your cat's "Lack of Trust" fund.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)


Runner Up list name
          (Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH)

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