TOP5 PETS
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- Board Games for Pets
- Woofwoofwoofwoofwoof
- Pet-Based Tax Deductions
- Signs You Have Worse Breath Than Your Pet
- Signs Cats Have Taken Over the Government
- Fragrances for Dogs
- Reasons to Clone Your Pet, Part 1
- Reasons to Clone Your Pet, Part 2
- Scientific Names for Pets
- Pet Scenes Edited Out of Movies
- Additives You Didn't Realize Were in Your Pet's Food
- Advantages of Owning a Lethal Pet
- Bad Pet Care Lessons Learned From Movies
- Bands Appearing at Petstock '03
- Barnyard Haikus
- Benefits of Annoying Pet Behaviors
- Bio-Engineered Pets We Would Like to See
- Books on the Pets' Best Seller List
- Breed Names for Cloned Pets
- Broadway Shows About Pets
- Canine Bumper Stickers
- Cat Proverbs
- Changes If the NCAA Basketball Tournament Were Run by Dogs
- Changes That Will Come When the "Pet People" Take Over
- Chapters in "Pit Bulls for Dummies"
- Cocktails for Pets
- Consequences of Breastfeeding Puppies
- Courses at Monkey College
- Dances to do With Your Dog
- Designer Clothing Labels for Pets
- Diet and Fitness Programs for Pets
- Differences If God Were a Dog
- Differences if K-9 Cops Used Other Animals
- Differences If Shakespeare Had Been a Cat
- Differences if Shakespeare Had Been a Dog
- Differences if St. Valentine Had Been a Pet
- Differences if the Music Industry Were Run by Pets
- Differences if the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show Were Run Like American Idol
- Dishes Served at the All-Pet Ecumenical Holiday Party
- Dog Tricks We'd Like to See
- "Doga" Poses
- Drawbacks of Having a Goldfish
- Euphemisms for "Getting Fixed"
- Euphemisms for "Leash"
- Euphemisms for "Pet Owner"
- Euphemisms for "Pets"
- Excerpts from a Parakeet's Blog
- Favorite Horror Movies of Pets
- Features of a $70,000 Dog
- Fortune Cookie Fortunes for Pets
- Greatest Moments in Pet History
- Highlights of the Pet Parade
- Holiday Songs for Pets
- Hymns to Sing at a Pet Funeral
- Items in Your Pet's Red Alert Stash
- Items on Pet Résumés
- Items on the Itinerary of a Bear on the Town
- Items on the Tanker Dog's To-Do List
- Jobs for Retired Police Dogs
- Lawsuits Filed by Pets
- Least-Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
- Least-Known Steps in the Dog Adoption Process
- Lesser-Known Pet Equations
- Little Known Facts About Sharks
- Menu Items at a Dog Restaurant
- Modern-Day Dog Disorders
- Must-Have Gadgets for Yuppie Pets
- Names in the Pet Rogues' Gallery
- New Year's Resolutions of Pets
- Other Reasons to Spay or Neuter Your Pet
- Other Ways to Prevent Your Pet From Breeding
- Passages from the Pet Bible
- Pet Cemetery Epitaphs
- Pet Party Faux Pas
- Pet Peeves of Cartoon Pets
- Pet Peeves of Presidential Pets
- Pet Peeves of Top5 Pets Contributors' Pets
- Pet Personal Ads
- Pet Psychological Disorders
- Pet Terrorists
- Pets' Excuses for Not Giving Up Smoking
- Phrases You Should Never Teach Your Parrot
- Post-Neutering Greeting Cards
- Questionable Money-Saving Tips for the Home Aquarium
- REAL Reasons Your Dog Is So Happy to See You
- Reality TV Series for Animals
- Reasons Cats Aren't Used as Guide Animals for the Blind
- Reasons Cats Don't Go Into Politics
- Reasons Dogs Dig in the Yard
- Reasons Pets Are Better Than Significant Others
- Reasons Pets Aren't Welcome in Opera Houses
- Reasons Pets Can't Compete in the Winter Olympics
- Reasons Santa Doesn't Use Other Animals to Pull His Sleigh
- Reasons the Rat Olympics Are Better Than the Human Olympics
- Reasons Your Cat Constantly Sticks Its Butt in Your Face
- Reasons Your Dog Didn't Win "Best in Show" at Westminster
- Reasons Your Ferret Is Not Perky Today
- Rejected Slogans for Adopt-A-Cat Month
- Scientific Discoveries About Animal Behaviors
- Secret Desires of Pit Bulls
- Self-Help Books for Pets
- Side Effects of Testicular Implants
- Signs A Dog Show Is Fixed
- Signs An Animal Has Had A Makeover
- Signs The Kitty Litter Needs Changing
- Signs You Hired Defective Bomb-Sniffing Dogs
- Signs You're Being Stalked by a Groomer
- Signs You're Not Cut Out to Be a Veterinarian
- Signs You're Spoiling Your Pet
- Signs You've Hired a Bad Dogwalker
- Signs Your Cat Is a Reincarnated NASCAR Driver
- Signs Your Chimp Is Having a Mid-Life Crisis
- Signs Your Parrot Was Previously Owned by a Celebrity
- Signs Your Pet Had a Party While You Were Out
- Signs Your Pet Has a Substance Abuse Problem
- Signs Your Pet Has Been Laid Off
- Signs Your Pet Has Been Using Your Computer
- Signs Your Pet Has Undergone Plastic Surgery
- Signs Your Pet Is a Dot-Com Millionaire
- Signs Your Pet Is a Prostitute
- Signs Your Pet Is a Reincarnated Relative
- Signs Your Pet Is Involved in a Conspiracy to Take Over the World
- Signs Your Pet Is Mad at You
- Signs Your Pet Is Really an Elephant
- Signs Your Pet Is Running for President
- Signs Your Pet Works for the CIA
- Signs Your Professor's Pet Is Grading Your Exams
- Signs Your Puppy Is Growing Up
- Signs Your Veterinary Bill Is Going to Require Financing
- Slogans to Promote Dog Consumption
- Soap Operas for Pets
- Songs About Spaying/Neutering
- Songs Performed at a Dog Wedding
- Street Names for Catnip
- Stupid Gator Hunting Tips
- Things Cats Do When No One Is Watching
- Things Overheard in the Office on Pet Owners' Independence Day
- Things Pets Dislike About Kids
- Thoughts a Cat Will Never Think
- TV Shows Produced by Pets
- Urban Legends Circulated by Pets
- Updated Dog Breed Names
- Uses for Regurgitated Hairballs
- Uses for Surplus Spiders
- Ways Pets Celebrate Reaching Legal Age
- Ways to Hide Your Pet from the Landlord
- Ways to Keep Cats From Clawing
- Ways Your Pet Prepares for Winter
- "Where Are They Now" Updates on TV Pets
- World Records Our Pets Could Break
- Worst Pet Grooming Tips
- Worst Puppy Training Tips
- Worst Things About Being Married to a Pet
- Worst Ways for Your Pet to Kill You
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TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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No beagles were bamboozled to make this list possible.
March 22, 2004
The Top 8 Signs a Dog Show Is Fixed
8> "Am I crazy, or is that groomer a dead ringer for Tonya
Harding?"
7> A Shar-Pei wins the swimsuit competition.
6> The Mexican Short Hair named Best in Breed? A giant
sewer rat.
5> The doggie blankets given as gifts by one of the competitors
are infested with kennel cough.
4> The judges are caught on camera accepting Scooby Snacks.
3> All but one of the dogs are followed around the ring by a
point of bright red light.
2> Word on the street is Pete Rose is betting against your dog.
and the Number 1 Sign a Dog Show Is Fixed...
1> Second place: Champion Sir Windemere of Hollingswood.
First place: Donald Trump.
[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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Selected from 30 submissions from 11 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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J.J. Gertler, Alexandria, VA -- 1, Topic (Good boy! 1st #1)
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS -- 2
Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD -- 3
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH -- 4, 6
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- 5, 8
Marlene K. Goodman, Wheeling, IL -- 6
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
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[ http://www.topfive.com ]
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[ Copyright 2004 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
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