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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                  All Your Tuna Are Belong To Us


                        August 20, 2001


           The Top 10 Signs Your Pet Works for the CIA


10> Snowball goes missing for three days, during which time a 
    hostile foreign dictator chokes to death on a hairball.

 9> He traded the names of all our double agents for a big 
    sack of Milk Bones.

 8> His chew toys self-destruct every 10 seconds.

 7> When you clean the fish tank, you discover a cyanide 
    tablet and a short-wave radio in the little castle.

 6> Go Go Gadget Collar!

 5> In what appears to be some sort of "dead drop," he leaves
    a "package" in the same spot every day and an hour later 
    another dog inspects it closely.

 4> Instead of fetching the bone, Rex simply snaps pictures
    of it on microfilm.

 3> That clump of fur you keep trying to brush out is actually
    a wire.

 2> After talking with Fluffy for hours you find that you've
    spilled your guts but haven't learned a friggin' thing 
    about him.


    and the Number 1 Sign Your Pet Works for the CIA ...


 1> You found a picture of your goldfish posing with Jack Ruby.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 46 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today's Top 5 Pets List authors are:
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Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY         -- 1, 5 (Attaboy! 2nd #1)
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX             -- 2, 9
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX            -- 3
Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL          -- 4
Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA       -- 6
Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL       -- 6, RU List Name
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA     -- 7
Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO   -- 8
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA      -- 10, Topic
Bonkers Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA         -- List Vet

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                 Signs Your Pet Works for the CIA
              RUNNERS UP list  --  Covertly Humorous
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According to the vet, Mickey is actually a mole.
          (Jeff Scherer, Brooklyn, NY)

Asks you for a slice of cheese to wrap around his cyanide pill so 
it will go down easier.
          (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Barks and howls at Russian spaniels and Shar-peis, but wags his 
tail for English mastiffs and French bulldogs.
          (Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)

Constant document shredding means that Kitty's claws never need 
to be trimmed!
          (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

His cell phone conversations stop whenever you enter the room.
          (Cheri Hoyt, Binghamton, New York)

His usually casual interest in the International News section of
the paper has suddenly become a serious and unending obsession.
          (Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)

Litterbox deposits appear to be spelling out messages in Morse
code.
          (Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA)
          (Mike Wolf, Brookline, MA)

Not sure about American moose, but he definitely wants to get the
squirrel.
          (Mike Wolf, Brookline, MA)

Petey suddenly can speak Chinese fluently and the papers lining
the bottom of his cage look suspiciously like top secret missile
blueprints.
          (Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO)
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)

Pointed out technical errors throughout "Cats & Dogs".
          (Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)

Takes his toilet water shaken, not stirred.
          (Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO)
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

You find a manual on amphibious assault and a map of Cuba in 
your pot-bellied pig's pen.
          (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)

Your monkey won't go anywhere without a headset and those 
ominous black, "seamless" shoes.
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

Your parrot can say just 5 phrases in English -- and "You're 
under arrest" in 47 languages.
          (Wade Kwon, Birmingham, AL)


Runner Up list name
          (Chuck Schultz, Eastaboga, AL)



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