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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                The place to go for heavy petting


                         February 4, 2002


   The Top 9 Reasons Pets Can't Compete in the Winter Olympics


  9> Turtles too easily mistaken for the 'stone' during curling
     competitions.

  8> The two-dog luge team can never complete a run because
     overzealous officials keep turning on a hose on them.

  7> Tropical fish are actually great athletes, but they do
     really lousy post-race interviews.

  6> Human competitors: hear starting gun and begin to race.
     Pet competitors: hear starting gun and hide under the
     nearest bed.

  5> Equipping the ski team costs twice as much.

  4> There are already too many bitches in the figure skating
     competition.

  3> Times in the Giant Slalom are excruciatingly slow when the
     athletes stop to mark every gate.

  2> Reptiles and other cold blooded pets disqualified by the IOC
     ruling that electric heating lamps are artificial stimulants.


            and the Number 1 Reason Pets Can't Compete
                    in the Winter Olympics...


  1> Too many accidents caused by 4 dogs sticking their heads out
     of the bobsled and nobody steering or braking.



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 49 submissions from 17 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA       -- 1, 4 (Good boy! 1st #1)
Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO      -- 2, Runner Up list name
Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ            -- 3, 9
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA         -- 3, Topic
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX                -- 3
Kate Melnyk, Attleboro, MA            -- 5
Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH  -- 6
Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL              -- 7
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA        -- 8
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS                   -- Topic
Adam Chunn, Houston, TX               -- Runner Up list name
Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA       -- Runner Up list name
Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI          -- Runner Up list name
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA     -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA            -- List Vet

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        Reasons Pets Can't Compete in the Winter Olympics
                 RUNNERS UP list  --  Yellow Snow
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A bobsled with an on-board litter box is just plain gross.
           (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Always insist on belly rubs before they will compete.
           (Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ)

Dignity of medal ceremonies disrupted whenever the canine anthem
"Who Let The Dogs Out" is played.
           (Charles Schnabel, Shaker Heights, OH)

Dude, they can't make a turn on *linoleum* without crashing so
how are they even going to stand up on ice?
           (Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO)

Figure skating bull dog: cool
Figure skating bull dog in a skimpy tutu: way WAY uncool.
           (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

Fish find that their ability to compete is seriously limited
when the water in their tanks is frozen.
           (Dave Ferry, Leesburg, VA)

Hamster wheels lock up in sub-zero weather.
           (Brian E. Foster, Fairfax, VA)

Kitty litter tracked onto ice rink poses too great a safety
hazard.
           (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Opening ceremonies delayed by dogs trying to play fetch with
the torch.
           (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

Ski jumpers complain that birds have an unfair advantage because
of the flying thing and cats because they ALWAYS land on their
feet.
           (Paul Paternoster, Los Altos, CA)
           (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)

Snakes' luge times hindered by body overhang.
           (Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY)

Wiener dogs are far too susceptible to frostbite of the
private parts.
           (Michael Cunningham, Woodridge, IL)


Runner Up list name
           (Adam Chunn, Houston, TX)
           (Patrick O'Driscoll, St Louis, MO)
           (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)
           (Mark Zinck, Grand Rapids, MI)


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