==================================================================
TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
==================================================================
Sit-and-stay with us for a while.
August 4, 2003
NOTE FROM THE LIST VET:
Here at Top5 Pets we're all for preventing unwanted litters --
such as the ones we came from. For those of you who have
(heh, heh) issues with the usual spay/neuter surgery option,
we are here to offer some alternatives.
The Top 9 Other Ways to Prevent Your Pet From Breeding
9> Teach him to code in Java.
8> Show them pictures of their parents having sex.
7> Forward him all your "increase your penis length" spam.
Performance anxiety will do the rest.
6> Shave a mailman-shaped silhouette onto her back.
5> Just release those bunnies into the Outback, Mate. Australia
is so big they'll never find each other to breed.
4> Let him get it out of his system on your leg.
3> Put one of those cake-decorating sleeves where the sun don't
shine. The only thing getting out of there is pee, and in a
lovely star pattern!
2> Dress him as a Klingon and call him your D'og; that should
cover both of you.
and the Number 1 Other Way to Prevent
Your Pet From Breeding...
1> Two words: Good breath.
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
==================================================================
Selected from 34 submissions from 12 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
------------------------------------------------------------------
Barb McMahon, Ann Arbor, MI -- 1, 6 (2nd #1)
Brad Wilkerson, El Sobrante, CA -- 2, 4, 7
(Purr-fecta!)
Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH -- 2, 8
Judith E. Cottrill, Bronx, NY -- 3
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA -- 5, Topic
Gideon Griebenow, Potchefstroom, South Africa -- 9
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- RU list name
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA -- Banner Tag
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA -- List Vet
==================================================================
Other Ways to Prevent Your Pet From Breeding
RUNNERS UP list -- Inbred
------------------------------------------------------------------
Buy him an inflatable leg.
(James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)
Chaperones: One Pit Bull, one Rottweiler.
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
Encourage them to marry: Sex ends, problem solved.
(Scott Bostick, Stray)
(Rabbi Crut, Bowling Green, OH)
Hook her up with that lonely farm boy. Sure, there'll be action,
but no puppies.
(Stephen Dudzik, Olney, MD)
Keep stressing the convenience of just staying home and licking
one's self.
(Scott Bostick, Stray)
Make him a Top5 contributor. Heck, *we* haven't gotten laid
since we made the cut!
(Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)
Three words: Saltpeter laced tuna.
(Dave Goudsward, Lake Worth, FL)
Two words: Doggy mullet.
(Kim Walker-Daniels, Sun Prairie, WI)
Runner Up list name
(Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)
==================================================================
[ TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS ]
[ "Top 10" lists on a variety of subjects ]
[ http://www.topfive.com ]
==================================================================
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ]
[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
==================================================================
|