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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                      For Veterinary Use Only


                        February 11, 2002


      The Top 8 Differences if St. Valentine Had Been a Pet


  8> "Would you be my Valentine" would imply a request not only
     for heavy petting, but for the wearing of a leash.

  7> All cards would be printed on beef jerky.

  6> Chocolate, schmocolate! Beggin' Strips are what all the
     ladies are drooling for.

  5> All gifts would involve killing something. Repeatedly.

  4> Romantic evening involves moonlight, a trashcan, and
     screeching on the neighbors' fence at 3 AM.

  3> Same as now: we would preen like cats, pant like dogs
     and hump like bunnies.

  2> That thing about keeping my one true love in a cage in the
     basement? No longer frowned upon!


  and the Number 1 Difference if St. Valentine Had Been a Pet...


  1> Valentine's Day heart logo would be infested with worms.



              [   Copyright 2002 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]


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Selected from 24 submissions from 10 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Larry Hollister, Concord, CA       -- 1, 8 (2nd #1)
RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS                -- 2
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA      -- 3, 5
Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL  -- 4
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX             -- 5, 7
Kathy Good, Scottsdale, AZ         -- 6
Virgil Steigerwald, Cleveland, OH  -- Topic, Banner Tag
Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA     -- Runner Up list name
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA         -- List Vet

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           Differences If St. Valentine Had Been A Pet
                RUNNERS UP list  --  Wet Kisses
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Cupid would be shooting his arrows at all those squirrels you
can't catch.
           (Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA)

Hairballs and dead, partially eaten mice would be a perfectly
acceptable gift for your loved one.
           (Fran Fruit, Winnetka, IL)
           (Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA)

Romantic cards replaced by scratch 'n sniff shots of your butt.
           (Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL)

Screw the chocolate - nothing says love like an open can of
tuna fish!
           (Dave Goudsward, Boynton Beach, FL)

Those little candy hearts would sport phrases like "Pretty Bird!"
and "Hump my leg"
           (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)
           (Kate Melnyk, Dedham, MA)

Traditional romantic dinner would be replaced with walk in the
park, with the couple sharing a plastic baggie.
           (RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS)

Your evening would end by making love illegal in 39 states.
           (RW Lipp, Lenexa, KS )


Runner Up list name
           (Melanie Stephens, Manassas, VA)



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