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              TOPFIVE.COM'S LITTLE FIVERS -- PETS
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                          July 16, 2001

 
    The Top 10 Reasons Pets are Better Than Significant Others


10> Pets only play dead when YOU want them to.

 9> Their parents never come to visit.

 8> They never complain about the position of the toilet seat 
    cover, even when it forces them to go thirsty.

 7> Not quite as embarrassing when they stick their nose in a 
    stranger's crotch.

 6> Instead of complaining about the pile of dirty laundry on the
    floor, most pets take advantage of the superior nest-building
    materials and take a nap.

 5> Your wallet will still be on the nightstand in the morning.

 4> You can cut off your dog's balls to make him obedient and 
    docile.  Doing this to your boyfriend is illegal for some 
    reason.

 3> Final interment of goldfish is much less expensive to 
    arrange, unless the toilet backs up.

 2> How many women do *you* know who would kill something and 
    then drag it back home, dripping entrails, *just* to 
    impress you?


and the Number 1 Reason Pets Are Better Than Significant Others ...


 1> Unconditional love without the hassles of having to repair
    the rubber love doll.



              [   Copyright 2001 by Chris White    ]
              [       http://www.topfive.com       ]



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Selected from 47 submissions from 16 contributors.
Today's Top5 Pets List authors are:
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Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA   -- 1, 2  (Attaboy! 1st #1)
Dave Goudsward, Harrisburg, PA    -- 3
James Knowles, Bellingham, WA     -- 4
Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA -- 5, Banner tag
Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ    -- 6
Doug Finney, Houston, TX          -- 7
Larry Hollister, Concord, CA      -- 8, 9, RU list name
Mark Weiss, Austin, TX            -- 9
Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR           -- 10
Liz Black, Misawa City, Japan     -- Topic
Sandra Hull, Arlington, VA        -- List Vet

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         Reasons Pets Are Better Than Significant Others
                 RUNNERS UP list  --  S.O. Teric
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Cats are slightly less jealous if they think you've been stroking
some other pussy.
          (Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)

Dogs don't think it's gross to lick your toes.
          (Justin Cascio, Perth Amboy, NJ)

Dogs spend the WHOLE night.
          (Mary Ann McDonald, Sacramento, CA)

He never leaves the top off the toothpaste after using it.
          (Mark Weiss, Austin, TX)

Much less likely to catch an STD from your pet.
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)

My dog is always ready to roll around with something foul and 
disgusting, whereas my girlfriend has to be "in the mood" for 
sex with me.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

No matter *how* deviant, your pet will *never* make a comment 
about your choice in porn.
          (Dawson E. Rambo, Santa Rosa, CA)

No matter how late you stay out at night, your pet is always 
happy to see you when you come home.
          (Dennis Koho, Keizer, OR)
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)
          (Doug Finney, Houston, TX)

That tongue bath you've always fantasized about?  
Not a problem.
          (Jeff Rabinowitz, Wilkes-Barre, PA)

They never run up your credit card bill with calls to 
1-900-HotChix.
          (Kathy Good, Phoenix, AZ)

When my goldfish dies I simply flush it away.  When my girlfriend
dies, the voices in my head insist that I bury her out in the 
woods with all the others, and that's SUCH a hassle.
          (James Knowles, Bellingham, WA)

You go on vacation, they go to the kennel.
          (Martin Bredeck, Hybla Valley, VA)


Runner Up list name
          (Larry Hollister, Concord, CA)



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